Pathfinder's Weapon Problem

I have a love/hate relationship with weapon lists. I think that's obvious from me moaning about the one in Mecha and Manga. I fucking love big lists of cool weapons. I love making a character who uses a strange weapon. I prefer being able to build a name around a single weapon anyway, so having to enchant it myself isn't that big a deal for me. Do you know what I hate, though? I hate it when a book is bloated up with weapons you'd never use in a million years, or systems that want to put an obvious tax on being unique or cool. Everyone uses longsword, greatsword, rapier anyway, and refusing to let anything horn in on those few basic weapons is pointless.

Not every weapon needs to be useful. That's not what I'm saying. There's always going to be people using sub-optimal weapons or armor for a million different reasons. The book has to include things like greatclubs because there's always going to be someone using them, some hill giant, backwoods hermit or ogre. On top of that...the idea of simple, martial, and exotic weapon proficiency means reasonably fair choices have to be presented at each level.

But 3.X had a few places where a designer lost his fucking mind, like the spiked chain and the scourge. Pathfinder happens to have more of those, and I collected enough commentary on weapons fill a whole post. I have something to say about a few overpowered weapons, but most of these are going to be on the other end of the scale as that. Far...far on the other end of the scale.

I'm also cutting a little slack for racial weapons. Many of them are very stupid, but racial weapon proficiency traits means they can almost always be useful to someone. Who would ever use a Dwarven pellet bow? A Dwarven monk, for one. Many other options are the same, like the Drow razor. It's more okay for them to be...not so good if someone is getting the proficiency for free or for cheap. If that's the role they fill, that's okay by me.

Here we go.


Brass Knife. Pirates of the Inner Sea was released like a year after Ultimate Combat. UC has rules for brass as a special material. Why didn't you refer to those rules? Why didn't you just use those rules? This is why I hate the splats, this right here.

Lantern Staff. What's that, there's a character in League of Legends who uses a lamp post as a weapon? You don't say. Anyway, here's my completely original idea...

Stingchuck. What lunatic created this? Why is this in weapons and not alchemical items? Who thinks a bag full of scorpions is an actual weapon? I want a show of hands. Who thinks an actual bag full of live scorpions belongs on the weapons list? This doesn't even have a listed cost, I'm so angry.

Boarding Axe. Listen, I know it's not much better than a handaxe. But it's noticeably better than a handaxe at the exact same cost. Do you splat writers not open the other books? Can't just...slap another gold piece onto its cost?

Dogslicer and Horsechopper. Do these need to exist? A short sword and a halberd with the fragile trait? These aren't even racial weapons. The descriptor of Dogslicer says "Goblins display unusual cunning by cutting holes in the blade to reduce weight". A short sword is two pounds, dogslicer is one pound. Was one whole pound of weight really that valuable to them? Why can't they have some kind of minor advantage? There could easily just be a short section on goblinoid races and weapons instead of idiocy like this. It's not like anyone was worried about how many pages Ultimate Equipment ended up being.

Sea Knife. Ooh, it's a slashing weapon designed only for use underwater. Quick, nobody look up what happens to slashing weapons underwater! Also, nobody question why an aquatic race would create a slashing weapon in the first place. Also, not marked as a racial weapon.

War Razor. So stop me if you've heard this one. It's a 1d4 weapon, with a 19-20 crit range, which gives you a +2 to sleight of hand checks to conceal it. Only this one is more expensive, a martial weapon, and can't be thrown. Holy shit, guys, the dagger is a core book weapon. What the hell is so hard about saying your particular whatever the fuck army, group or organization uses razors that function as daggers? Do the Inner Sea developers even have access to the other books? Are you making them work purely from memory?

Cutlass. This exists solely so people don't have to write "Scimitar" on their pirate's character sheet. Whatever. What the fuck ever, matey, you've got a "cutlass". This reminds me of how basic items need to be renamed or made "more manly" before some men will use them. Like "tactical" messenger bags or Hungry Man frozen dinners.

Gandasa. So this is a real Punjabi weapon, and its description is even pretty faithful. Neat. I just regret we have a whole "pan-Asian" weapon section unto its own and other cultures have to be squeezed into the corners of splat books.

Sword Cane. The weapon so irritating that it made me want to do this whole post. This is a prime example of missing the forest for the trees. Who is this for? Its concealed nature is a static DC. Regular guards have a reasonable chance to notice it, and that'll only get worse for you as your game progresses. You can just conceal a short sword with Sleight of Hand and have better luck. Probably even at level 1. Hell, you can probably conceal a weapon on someone else at a penalty, that sounds like a fair use of the skill. You can't even say this is a weapon just for style: It's worse than a shortsword and much worse than a rapier. Both weapons you have the proficiency for if you've got this one. This is truly a weapon with no point.

Syringe Spear. So, this is a Martial weapon, to the short spear's Simple. That sounds fine at first glance, but...can you explain to me how a spear with an automatic poison reservoir is harder to use than a spear that doesn't have one? Say someone picks this up and has no idea it's a syringe spear. He just...randomly takes a -4 non-proficiency penalty and has no idea why? Do you make a Wile-E-Coyote rule that he doesn't take the penalty until you tell him it's a syringe spear?

Hurlbat.

"Hey, Hunga Munga, can I copy your homework?"

"Sure, just change it a little so nobody notices."

Pilum and Gladius. Listen, I know we all love ancient Rome, but giving them slightly better versions of regular weapons is probably not the best play. I mean, if I resurrected an ancient Roman citizen, and showed him a picture of a Gladius next to a picture of a short sword, he'd go "Why are you showing me two pictures of the same fucking thing?" I can't shake the idea that there's some level of colonialism here at work, too.

Bleeding Arrow. At 360 gold each, this thing seriously makes me think of the old 3.0 Stronghold Builder's Guide, which had ridiculously inflated prices to drain money out of high level adventurers. Also I'll use this entry to say this about all of the special arrows: Ya'll really, really like Green Arrow. I can tell.

Barbazu Beard. Not sure I'm okay with a weapon that lets you use two weapon fighting along with a two handed weapon. Even if it provokes an attack of opportunity to use.

Gnome Pincher. Did you seriously, actually try to turn one of those extending claw toys into a viable weapon? You know, I keep seeing Melee Tactics Toolbox pop up as the source of the dumber stuff on this list, what the hell is up with that book?

Dwarven Maulaxe. As a minor note, this "two headed" light weapon includes a section on how using a striking head doesn't activate the "wrong" type of enchant, like if it's got Vorpal, only the axe head can activate that. Fine. I guess you needed to say that, I just always thought the type-locked enchants were nitpicking anyway. I guess that's a discussion for another time, though.

Falcata. A 19-20/X3 crit weapon? One of two weapons in the whole game that breaks the rule that you get either an expanded crit range or a higher multiplier? This thing makes me want to punch whoever came up with it. It's one of the few weapons in the game too good to ignore, and every fighter who wants to use one handed weapons should be looking at this thing. Bad fucking idea.

Butchering Axe and Orcish Hornbow. I mean, you get why it's maybe not a good idea to present an exotic weapon whose sole benefit is an extra D6 of damage, right?

Gnome Battle-Ladder. Someone call Jackie Chan.

Bladed Scarf. This is exactly what I meant by Cool Tax. This weapon is just an all-around worse Heavy Flail with nothing to show for it. The book doesn't even say it's somehow concealable. No, everyone can see those blades. It's no better than just carrying around a heavy flail, but it's still an exotic weapon.

Switchscythe. This little guy almost got away from me. I skipped it in my first draft. It's mildly inoffensive, honestly. My issue is that it's exotic: It's just a regular scythe that lets you collapse the head. Actually, while we're on the subject, what exactly is the benefit to doing that anyway? It's still going to be a curvy piece of wood with handles on it. Some guard's going to see that and immediately go "Where'd you put the head for that scythe?". It counts as a hidden weapon, so it would be a two handed weapon that can be used for things like Underhanded which require a hidden weapon. That doesn't even sound niche-y, it sounds overly gimmicky. Unintended.

Thorn Bow. It's an exotic weapon completely identical to a short bow that tells you to count it as a short bow. Actually, it's worse in range increment. Anybody but me see a problem? Anyone questioning why this exists at all? No, huh? Maybe we should just move on.

Hand Crossbow. I know. I know. It technically has a use. I just really hate this thing. It serves virtually no purpose, and it's only here because it's hanging around from the 1e days where Drow all carried hand crossbows loaded with sleepy time poison. There were thin-to-no rules on poisoning so you could just say you had poisoned crossbow bolts and your GM didn't question that the poison didn't dry up, and so the hand crossbow served to budget out your doses.

Launching Crossbow and Flask Thrower. Why would you put a worse but otherwise identical weapon in a book that's intended as a sequel? Launching Crossbow is in Adventurer's Armory and gives splash weapons a 30 foot range increment. Great. Flask Thrower is from Adventurer's Armory 2 and gives them a 20 foot range increment. Guys, the teams have to talk to each other better. Or at least read the other books. This is the exact kind of thing I mean when I say the weapons list is clogged up with stuff you'd never use.

Shuriken. The description actually states that Shuriken can't be used as a melee weapon. Yeah, no shit, they're teeny weeny. But here's the thing: They're classed as a ranged weapon, not a melee weapon with a range increment. None of the ranged weapons can be used as a melee weapon. That's why they're called Ranged Weapons.

Sling Glove. Is...is this just...are you just putting a glove on and throwing sling bullets at people? I don't have the book, someone please confirm Pathfinder's splats aren't that stupid.

Stitched Sling. I like the idea of this, but this being an exotic weapon really kills it. Counting it as an improvised weapon would probably be better for it.


Exotic weapons need to have a reason you're willing to take the feat for. They need to have a mechanics reason for it. This is important. A weapon being "cool" is not, and will never be a valid reason for making someone give up a feat or class ability to use it. It's awful that some people think that it is, when it's just restriction of creativity. D20 has a narrow list of optimal weapons, and expanding that list is a good thing, not a bad thing.

I tried not to pick on everything. There's a lot of exotic weapons that may not be worth taking the feat for, but we'd have to get into the value of the various weapon traits like trip and performance. That's pretty far outside the purview of this post. As it stands, I do think there's value in taking a feat or sacrificing some damage to get a trait, especially at lower levels. A +2 to trip can be a big difference below level 10, and it still makes an impact as you move into higher levels thanks to how few places you can get bonuses to CMBs from.

I'll explain why I only went over the core weapons list. First, Firearms are getting their own post, and while we're at it, we have to talk about modernization in Pathfinder too. The Eastern weapons, however? They're mostly okay. Honestly. They were obviously designed all at once by a single person or team, and there's no severe outliers like I saw with the (relatively disastrous) core list.

As an extra, I decided to flex the weapon creation rules to make a thing or two. I focused on niches that don't exist. The weapon creation rules seem a little tiny bit out of line, but they're good enough, I feel.


Clown Hammer; Two Handed Martial Melee Weapon
DMG(M): 2d6; Critical x2; Type B; Price 8gp
Special: Nonlethal

Always colorfully decorated, these oversized two-handed wooden mallets provide a +2 bonus to any Profession(Comedy) or any performance involving feats of strength.

~~

Juggling Balls, Weighted; One Handed Simple Ranged Weapon
DMG(M): 1d6; Critical x2; Range 10ft; Type B; Price 4gp
Special: Nonlethal

Weighted juggling balls are indistinguishable from regular juggling balls unless physically inspected. Someone can also notice that they're heavier than normal by watching you juggle: they can make a perception check opposed by your performance check.